Citing Pokémon, Herman Cain Suspends Campaign, Gives Romney Headache

December 3rd, 2011 · No Comments

From Politico, quoting Herman Cain’s campaign-suspension speech:

“I believe these words came from the Pokemon movie,” Cain said. “Life can be a challenge. Life can seem impossible. It’s never easy when there’s so much on the line. But you and I can make a difference. There’s a mission just for you and me.”

Cain finally ended his campaign today, after weathering multiple allegations of sexual harassment and his ignorance of foreign and economic policy, over an allegation of a 13-year affair. Former Bush press secretary Ari Fleischer thinks that’s bad news for Mitt Romney. On Twitter, he opined, “Cain out means Romney is frowning. Newt is smiling. Bachmann is hoping. Perry is wishing. Huntsman is waiting. Paul is Paul.”

Newt Gingrich immediately swooped in to woo Cain supporters, with transparent pandering: “Herman Cain’s 999 plan got our country talking about the critical issue of tax reform and he elevated the dialogue of the primary,” Gingrich said, after Cain had just quoted words from a song in Pokémon: The Movie 2000 (which, Poliico noted, he had previously attributed to “a poet”). Gingrich was referring to Cain’s economic plan that would have added to the nation’s deficit while heavily taxing the lower and middle classes.

It’s not entirely clear whether Gingrich will succeed in picking off Cain’s conservative following, though. In Iowa, a shadowy Christian group is pressuring anti-gay-rights crusader Bob Vander Plaats not to endorse Gingrich, who contributed generously to Vander Plaats’ successful efforts to punish state supreme court justices for voting to allow gay marriage, because of the candidate’s past affairs.

In other humorous Iowa-related Cain news: Yesterday, in an apparent last-ditch attempt to save face, Cain launched “Women for Cain” on his campaign website.

The page begins with a dubious account of Cain’s commitment to his wife and family, then displays the comforting words of female Cain supporters. Among them is Iowa’s own Norma Helbling (who — I checked — is a real person), who wrote this ringing endorsement:

Dear Mr.Cain, I support you 100% and refuse to waiver from that stance! I believe you are the best candidate for the POTUS as you have true integrity and character which is so greatly needed in our Country today. I know the road has been rough and it is in no way going to get easier anytime soon, but I am with you all the way Sir!!!!!!!! We need someone that believes in GOD, life and liberty. We need someone that can correct the path which Washington D.C. has been on for so long, and you my friend are that person. I have never met you Sir but I know when you speak you are telling the truth and speaking from your heart, we need that in a President. You will be a Commander in Chief that can LEAD this Country back into being that shining city on a hill!!!!!!!!!!! God Bless You and Mrs. Cain and your family and as I said before I am supporting all the way!!!!!!!!!!

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