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Ok, so I’m a tad late with my second round predictions but I will redeem my tardiness with pinpoint predictions as well as scintillating writing and oops-I-crapped-my-pants worthy humor. Which has me thinking, I have not watched SNL since Will Ferrell departed to star in such classics as Elf and Bewitched, but I still recall most of the hysterical mock commercials from back in the dizzay.
My two favorite will always remain the Gatorade Cookie Dough one with “Love Hurts” playing as athletes such as Ferrell and Cheri Oteri douse themselves with batter. But raised on the “Bad Boys” of SNL, nothing can top Chris Farely and Adam Sandler turning a run down summer home into a homosexual paradise in the Schmidt’s Gay commercial. Someone needs to create a channel that airs reruns from the 90s and, mentioned in a recent Sports Guy column, classic MTV with whacky game shows, spring break clips and classic Real World and Road Rules episodes.

Onto more pressing issues…

The West Is the Best

1. Lakers vs. 5.

The Jazz

To convince my readership that the Game One outcomes did little to sway my decision-making process, I will one-up my prediction concerning this series and say that the Lakers will advance to the finals regardless of who wins the other Western semi-final series.

I dread comparing Kobe to Jordan even if other pundits often say he is 1B while his Airness earns status as 1A, but with the MVP announcement expected later this week, there is little doubt that No. 8 has had the best career path of any non-big since No. 23’s departure. I often criticized Kobe for selfish play since Shaq left Hollywood but the shooting guard has turned the one glaring weakness in his game to an asset as the Jazz observed in the series opener. Even before the Pau Gasol trade, Kobe demonstrated Magic-like passing skills and now appears to welcome the opportunity to involve his teammates rather than ridiculing them after missed shots. The most impressive facet of Kobe’s game right now relates to the shot clock as he maximizes every second with or without the ball.

Yet drawing links with Kobe and Jordan serves benefit to this prognosticator due the surrounding parts working with the two superstars. Even with the Lakers’ burgeoning big man, Andrew Bynum, sidelined for the season, this year’s team might be better than the Bulls’ teams of the 90s without factoring in whether Kobe can breathe on Jordan during his prime. The Bulls had the advantage of working together as a unit for longer before breaking through in ’91 with their first title but clearly the Lakers have a superior center with Gasol and are a tremendous passing team that makes me wonder if they have devoted themselves to that art purposely to rekindle the spirit of the Showtime Lakers and appease such diehard fans as Jack Nicholson. “Wait to they get a load of me now.

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I usually allow the playoffs to unfold and base my decision on a winner from the previous round, therefore, I will abstain from choosing the Lakers to lock up another championship but this team has got “It” going on. The Jazz clearly don’t possess an antidote to Kobe’s lethal play. Utah coach Jerry Sloan had the audacity to go with a young and frail Ronnie Brewer to stick on Kobe, resulting in 38 points, eight assists and an astounding 21-of-23 performance at the line. Plenty more of that to come, even in Utah where the Jazz have lost only five games all season.

Prediction: Lakers in five

2. Hornets vs. 3.

Spurs

Just as I quickly dismissed the Jazz against the Lakers because of a disadvantage at the two, matchups play a crucial role in this series which has classic written all over it. Tim Duncan’s championship pedigree can sway any forecaster into drooling over the possibility of a rivalry renewed in the next round against the Lakers. But it is that same San Antonio past that serves as a portentous possibility for the defending champs.

Before ushering into my obligatory Spurs bashing, I will say with Tony Parker at the top of his game and Ginobli always ready to flop and flip in a three, this is the best the Spurs have ever looked. Duncan may have slipped because of aging but the drop off appears almost negligible. The Suns faltered with shoddy late-game execution in Round One but the Spurs pulled off a memorable Game One victory that easily breaks the top five for greatest playoff games of the past 25 years, and Parker’s Game Three 41-point, 12-assist, five-rebound masterpiece in the desert singlehandedly could reshape the way Phoenix operates over the next five years.

My qualms concerning the Spurs deals with matchups and the fact that David West’s outstanding play in Game One has Coach Greg Popovich reacting rather than establishing the tone. Successful playoff coaches break away from the pack through in-game and in-series adjustments. Pat Riley, for example, captured another title in ’06 by substituting the defensive warrior, Alonzo Mourning, for Shaq in crucial times against the Mavs. Popovich may know the right moves after Game One but I do not see how he can guard West with bruising big men like Farbicio Oberto and Kurt Thomas as the Hornet’s all-star power forward can speed past them and knock down his patented 18-footer. Clearly, wearing Duncan down on the defensive end does not present a viable option.

The historical connection dates back to that Dallas Maverick team that went small with Devin Harris and Jason Terry in the backcourt. San Antonio could never quite neutralize the speedy Mavs and in turn failed to survive the second round in ‘06.

Always attentive to each word in my epic blogs, I never title Duncan’s Spurs a dynasty. Besides not winning consecutive titles, the Spurs also do not have defining series wins against stellar teams. The Spurs never beat themselves but they rarely beat other teams. Instead, their opponents, like the Cavs from last season or the Suns over the past four years, allow their faults to spell doom. The most memorable Spur’s series victories came in ’03 against a Lakers team battling injuries and in ’05 over the Pistons, who despite playing with a depleted bench could have won the title if not for Sheed leaving Big Shot Bron open for a game-winning three at home. In contrast, the Lakers won three titles in succession from ’00-’02 and ousted a deep Blazers team in seven games back in ’00 and then a complete Sactown team on the road in Game Seven in the ’02 Western Finals.

ESPN’s Jalen Rose recently said he will not pick against the Spurs until they are crying in the locker room. I will never pick the Spurs unless they are playing the Knicks. Byron Scott coaches a disciplined team with a precocious point, and as the bench continues to step into their roles, they will have the wherewithal to upend the champs.

Prediction: Hornets in Seven

Who’s The Beast in the East?

1. Celtics vs. 4.

Cavs

Not enough room on the sheet to give my assessment of the stunning Celts/Hawks first round series. Only two possible conclusions to draw however: The Celts needed an early test to wake them from the doldrums of the last meaningless weeks of the regular season and an early battle will prepare them for rigorous competition. Or, KG’s game seems forever flawed with his inability to demand the ball during the latter stages of the game. Still cannot figure out why he didn’t score 40 during at least one of the games against Atlanta and why Ray Allen took an ill-advised three during Game Six.

Even if the Celts do not build on a blowout victory in Game Seven over the Hawks, the Cavs need to improve upon their first-round showing against the Wizards. Have this funny feeling that Doc will react a bit quicker with doubling LeBron compared to how he handled Joe Johnson. The Cavs have knockout shooters like Delonte West and Boobie Gibson, a feature Atlanta could have used on the road. But the Celts won Game Seven with little worry because of interior play that resulted in a sizeable advantage on the boards. Centers Kendrick Perkins and Leon Powe are not this decade’s Bill Carthwright and Luc Longley. Plus, Rajon Rondo is the one of best rebounding points in the league despite his featherweight physique.

The Cavs upgraded size at midseason with the acquisitions of Joe Smith and Ben Wallace to compliment an already bulky frontline with Zydrunas Ilgauskas and Anderson Varejao. If they bring their best defense, they can win a series that may favor Cleveland match-up wise.

I still anticipate KG to eventually shed the label as too unselfish for superstar status and finally deliver a defining game-winner.

Prediction: Celts in Seven

2. Pistons vs. 3.

Magic

Talk about match-ups. The Magic drew the short-end on this one. Chauncey Billups and Rip Hamilton vs. Jameer Nelson and Keith Bogans. And if that wasn’t enough, the Pistons have plenty of hardnosed bulldozers in Sheed, Jason Maxiell, Antonio McDyess and Theo Ratliff to pound and pester Superman, Dwight Howard.

The Pistons’ first round series failed to draw my attention as well as Orlando’s first-round victory over Toronto. This one follows the same formulaic routine as Orlando is on the right path with Howard and his team improving every year since his rookie campaign in ’05. But I see the Pistons advancing to their sixth consecutive conference finals.

Prediction: Pistons in Six