Ames Progressive

Take those comical Congressional hearings and stuff them down the chute. I don’t need to waste another breath or most precious of thoughts on such a melodramatic farce. For anyone currently or ever remotely interested in the NBA, I suggest you stock up on your sex, drugs and cocoa-puffs. You might indulge in a helping of March Madness, but come April you and I need to call a time-out and camp out in front of the television set, or for those so fortunate, shack up outside the ticket booths.

I traveled overseas for 10 days and the NBA Universe transformed into my own version of Nickelodeon. The Char…oops I meant New Orleans Hornets leapt over the indomitable Spurs and two teams in the Mavs and Suns that feature the last two MVPs. The Rockets finally adapted to Rick Adelman’s transition approach and the T-Mac-Yao breakup appears as dead as Heath Led…yeah I love shocking people with my own brand of twisted humor but I could not go that far.

The shakeup in the West somehow only knocked the upstart Blazers from the playoff scenario. Nine teams with deep rosters, playing well of late, will battle over the next 30 games to decide who advances into what will most likely be the most exciting first round in league history.

I jumped on the Lakers bandwagon following the lopsided Pau Gasol trade but the catalyst for their turnaround, Andrew Bynum has not even played over the last month and is expected back well before the postseason begins. Baron Davis somehow missed out on the All-Star festivities despite remaining the centerpiece for a team no one wants to face in the first round after last season. Yet my sleeper pick from Oaktown momentarily, because the standings alter everyday, hold the ninth best record in the West despite being only five games behind the top-seeded Hornets.

Wait ESPN The Magazine and every other cynic hung over from the exhilaration and grandiosity of the Super Bowl claims no one cares about the NBA? The public refrains from watching tattooed thugs like A.I. and Sheed lead their teams. If it were not for their fortunate athletic skills, the two, along with a large share of the league, would either be resting six feet under or filing for parole. Kobe may or may not have raped that girl but we know of his lewd nature away from the court. This is definitely not like the old days. I’m sure John Havlicek would stop to chat with fans about current affairs. Bob Cousy would never pass up a pickup game while strolling by his local park. I hear Jerry West dedicated his entire off-season to nursing lost kittens.

Image is everything? You need the NBA Cares commercials to instill a sense of warmth into your pristine, charitable world? The league single-handedly must rebuild New Orleans for you to respect these pampered athletes? LeBron must one-up Jordan and sell out for every Fortune 500 product by flashing an amiable smile and overlook the temptations that invariably arrive with destroying your private life for a constant swim into the public domain?

Image? Let me tell you something about image, ESPN, David Stern and whoever preys on people earning their living in the spotlight. It fails to define. Image floats to the surface like murk creeping out from the bottom of the sea. Call me a Jedi warrior in training but I sense an interconnection with every single human alive. Some creep me out and some may impede on my overall well-being, but I cannot recall allowing someone into my tiny world and then kicking them out, writing them off as though they failed to earn kindness or forgiveness. Yet there are those that assert the likes of a typical NBA player demonstrates unseemly characteristics through a two-dimensional box, which aims to reflect life at its truest form, that in turn provides enough reason to flip away from the harshness of reality and instead join in solemn prayer in attempt to cleanse this world of such unmitigated evil.

The Brawl At The Palace appeared surreal but without listing a litany of other contentious incidents in other leagues, I will remind baseball fans that a Rangers relief pitcher tossed a chair into the crowd at an A’s game and broke a woman’s nose. But we harp and we block out the overall picture. Bring up 9/11 to horrify and summon fear and hatred. Remind me of Jamal Tinsley’s run-ins with the law. Ignore the reasons for watching. For I have an endless amount.

Maybe I obsess over ill-timed statements and crave conflict. Or maybe my sarcastic diatribe will remind someone to seek the truth. My intentions, however, diverted after the first paragraph upon realizing I know of people who dilute themselves with the unfounded notion that their broken relationship with NBA players hinders them from enjoying professional basketball.

For those who do not want to deprive themselves of such jubilance, let me know what’s on your mind concerning the NBA. Who benefited most from the blockbuster trades? How will the Celtics hold up in three months? Who will emerge from the West? Or make up your own question and send it my way. From now until the end of June I could talk until my words lose all meaning about the NBA. Ain’t nobody gonna bring me down from this high. Except maybe Isiah. Man, I miss Starks and Ewing and Oakley and Mason and…