Ames Progressive

I understood the difference between the drama of unscripted athletic competition and the choreographed theatrics of staged performances at the rapacious age of five. But despite the definite border separating the two, I devoted almost as much unrequited devotion to the World Wrestling Federation, which due to an absurd legal dispute with the World Wildlife Federation is now known by the acronym WWE, as to that of such notable team leagues as the NBA or NFL.Forget the overused and fallacious adage that ignorance is bliss, I loved the juicy storylines, the over-the-top characters and the opportunity for real-life reenactment. I could not deny the absurdity of watching “The Macho Man” Randy Savage lay a Godfather-style beat down on Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat only to lose a marathon match in Wrestle Mania III. I also could not ignore the courageous acting of both wrestlers as they provided me with enough excitement to hold me over to puberty.

At 25 I no longer follow any semblance of professional wrestling, yet I defer from castigating anyone who watches the likes of Rick Flair stave off rest-home retirement. My parting with Vince McMahon’s version of misogynistic soap operas took place well before my voice cracked like A-Rod in October. A true student of the “art”, I lost faith shortly after the likes of Yokazuna swore to tremble Hulkamania. The sumo-wrestler’s finishing maneuver featured him squatting on opponents, but because it places the victim in an injury-prone position, the human version of a Panda bear, Yokazuna would not bury his massive frame on anyone. Instead, the opponent flailed like a run-over-pigeon in agony despite the lack of contact. Maybe the growth of my brain deceived me but I contest that the quality of acting in the ring dropped drastically over a short period of time. I bought into the premise of an artificial sport, but I needed the wrestlers to believe the elements were real. And in my mind that seemed to discontinue long ago.

From one source for tomfoolery to another one, the United States Federal Government never seems to represent the people as the Constitutional creed declares. Recently I informed my doctor about working to end the war in Iraq over the past six months and he asked me to say in two sentences or less why this country should bring the troops home. Who am I to inject originality? I just quoted one of this country’s slave-owning revolutionists, Thomas Jefferson. “When the people are afraid of the government, it’s a tyranny. When the government is afraid of the people, it’s a democracy.” My jaded yet lighthearted medical practitioner from the former Soviet Union quipped that the government is never afraid of the people.

At the moment, Sen. Barack Obama could win the Presidency in November based primarily on his idealistic rhetoric that professes to fix a broken system in D.C. Yet even if Obama curries more and more support in the coming months and takes the office, I and the majority of the citizens in this country wield little influence in shaping policy. Politicians hide behind broken promises with little repercussion for folly but at least they once pretended to act in the people’s best interest.

Presumably doped up with immeasurable gratification for their lot in life, these men of stature no longer perform, no longer play the game. I attended a quaint meeting with Iowa Sen. Tom Harkin in Sept. where he stated he had little control in preventing a military conflict with Iran. Clearly an elected official to the Federal Government has minimal say in how our foreign policy is shaped.

At least Harkin fielded questions concerning issues that linger in the same room as that of nuclear annihilation. Other unnamed Senators and Congressman remain devoted to a national crisis that impacts us all.

Thanks to the meticulous work of a handful of prestigious diplomats, the steroid epidemic plaguing our school system and the insidious Spy Gate scandal creating a rift between urban and rural America appears extinguished.

Always interested in seeing the time clock expire, I often have feigned work to as Lester Burnham says “fantasize about a life that doesn’t so closely resemble Hell.” Yet I would never openly admit to partaking in frivolous activity that ignores the demands of my clientele.

Whether you are for this war, which incidentally has diverted funds from highway repairs that could have prevented that ignominious and fatal bridge collapse in Minnesota this summer and could provide much-needed health care for new born babies who have no say in how their government allocates their money, or not, the fate of over 130,000 soldiers trumps that of past incidents in the world of sport.

My thoughts jumble together in disbelief at times but usually I extract some sound reasoning in a situation. Spy Gate may have won the Patriots a Super Bowl and steroid use and the subsequent denial by many professional athletes deserves public attention with an unbiased moderator to settle the muddy affair. But asking for Congress to intervene pushes me toward the notion that we as a society living in the American States of Hypocrisy will reach the tipping point before I depart and this time the revolution will be televised - just hopefully not on ESPN.